Fluctuations like a business cycle

I know I took a long time to get this space updated.

Anyway, I'm feeling all weird and abnormal. I was feeling happiness around me this morning and now I'm feeling so upset and emotions are gushing within me. It's making my heart sink like before, perhaps it's because of the show, and it all boils down to one single theme of Love. Why do we even need to feel it? Why can't all these be any simpler, family and friends and end at a happy note? Why we need to go through all the torment of finding love and losing it when there's no beginning or knowing that one day it will be like waking up from a dream? Honestly, I've never been in love, always at the end of rejection and always risk my heart being tore open to bleed and heal over and let it repeat all over again. Sometimes I just wish things could be easier than these. I'm just feel so heartbroken all over again, like reopening the wound and examine the hurt, it's so raw and like hell. I'm not aware of my action and I'm feeling so stupid to be so affected by those things that I just learnt about you. I seriously need to get away from all these shit and focus on my upcoming exams since I've screwed the papers. And knowing that losing to someone who has not been listening to lesson and doing tutorial, I feel so unbalanced. Called me a sore loser, I will admit, I can't accept losing or failure unless I fall short from my expectations. I'm so tired of all these shit that's going around and trying to put on a smile and pleasing everyone. I'm so tired! I truly want to find inner peace and serenity.

I'm so not knowing what I'm trying to say here, but I'm feeling better by typing and writing this set of feelings twirling within me. Oh, I've made some discoveries today. Nothing good to mention though. I'll keep to myself.
Loved and take care.